drownedindreams | (no subject)

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Technically, it's her day off. That's why she wasn't in her labcoat or her scrubs, why she settled herself in the chair next to Jackson's bed early in the morning after she's dropped off the boys with the McCalls because... because they were lifesavers. Because she and Jax had been so lucky to find people who were truly compassionate and who cared.

Sunlight streamed through the windows in his room, and he was still asleep when she moved to pull his kutte out of her bag, and slowly kept working on sewing it back together. She had sinew and suturing needles, and skin was skin, as weird as it sounded. She hadn't told him that it had to be cut off of him, didn't tell him what bad shape it was in - but it could be repaired, and she was working on it.

He'd been in the hospital for three and a half days now, and things were... better. Not great, still, but better. They hadn't talked about the ring thing, again. They hadn't talked about her complete breakdown, and if Tara had her way.... they wouldn't talk about it. Her head was bent as she carefully worked on putting the left shoulder back together; luckily they'd missed his patches when they'd cut it apart. She didn't notice that he'd woken, instead staring down at the black leather with her lower lip between her teeth as she carefully sewed it back together.

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"Tell them their stupid daddy fell down and bumped his head," Jax said. "And that he misses them and loves them very much. Give 'em a kiss for me, yeah?"

He looked down at her hand, thinking that he hadn't seen the scar properly in a long time, but it no longer scared him. Tara was still a surgeon, even with it.

"Tomorrow is already too long. I want to at least say hi to them."

She rolled her eyes. "I told them that Daddy was sleeping upstairs from daycare, and that you were very, very tired, but that you would wake up soon and you were so excited to see them. And that you loved them." She nodded when he asked about the kiss.

"I won't tell them you're stupid, because you're not. This... this isn't on you, Jax. What happened." Even though it sort of was. Even though she wondered if it happened because of that mess from before - because a coincidence wasn't just a coincidence.

"I can bring them up tomorrow. Okay? I'll come in early for my shift, and I'll bring them with me, so they can see you." She smiles, trying to be encouraging the best she can.

Jax nodded as he smiled; it was strangely reassuring, knowing that the boys were only a few floors away and once he had recovered it would be a short trip downstairs to see his boys again. They needed to know that he was okay and that he was coming back to them.

"I'd really like that. Just want them to know I'm doing okay. More or less."

Nodding, Tara reached to touch him again, her thumb running over his lower lip. "I was thinking...." She paused, her eyes searching his. "I was thinking," she said quietly, "That you might have been right, when you... talked about what we could do, here."

She seems hesitant as she speaks, like she's on the fence still and is feeling it out.

"When we were in the kitchen, a while ago. It... sort of changes how big of a house to look for."

Letting that sit right there - he's a lot less drugged than he had been, and she's got no idea why she brought this up now... but if he didn't get it, that meant he was probably too high to really... think about it. Not that she wants to have a super formal discussion, it just came up for... reasons.

Reasons that had her standing outside of the drugstore this morning and eventually just coming here to visit him instead of going inside.

"So that present of mine that's sitting in the drawer...?"

It put a blossom of happiness in him, seeing Tara share his enthusiasm and taking a chance at dreaming for herself. Smiling, he kissed the pad of her thum and just listened for a moment, hoping that she was envisioning the same happy life he was.

"But those plans and houses and all that. That's something we can talk about?" He was hesitant to outright say the word baby, uncertain of what would send Tara running.

There was a shy smile on her face - she'd gotten caught up in this as much as he had. Her own determination that she wasn't going to ruin his happiness had bolstered her own, and Tara scooted forward just a little more before leaning in to kiss him as her answer.

It was the first time since he'd been in here that she really kissed him, that wasn't just a buss on the lips the way you'd kiss a friend or a relative. Her fingers slipped back into his hair, the scar rough on his beard even though she was careful not to lean into him.

She pulled back only a fraction, that smile still on her lips. "Yeah, the present of yours in the drawer," she breathed softly. "You want to do it now, or you want to wait until we're not in here?" She's smiling widely, and she feels more connected to him in that moment than she has in years.

Tara doesn't think about it, but the way she feels now - it hasn't been like this, with the joy and the feeling that this is right - since they'd been in that park in Oregon a lifetime ago. This moment - this moment, even if it was transitory and wouldn't last because there is still so much damage to be healed...

It was what gave her hope that they could both maybe be whole again.

It was a good kiss, the kind that spread warmth through him the same it did when he stepped into a ray of sunlight. Jax leaned up and pressed a kiss back against her, just enjoying the slow and lingering contact.

"I'll let you decide. It's your present, after all." Although if she said yes, Jax was pretty sure it'd really be more of a present for him. "Just know...I'll be ready to ask it. Always wanted to. Always will."

He wanted it to be all the good parts they'd carried and a do over for all the bad that Tara had had to experience on her own.

She couldn't stop smiling at him, and her hand found his, their fingers twining together without thought. Right now all her other concerns fell away. They were concerns that would break a person, that would slowly drive them crazy, but they didn't matter right now. Right now... Jax was the center of her world the way he'd been from when he was sixteen and until she was put into the back of that squad car, when she'd realised they were both lost and the only ones who had hope left were Abel and Thomas.

That hope.... she had that hope now for them, for Jax and for herself, and she felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of her heart for these precious minutes. "I think," she said after a second, after biting her lip while she thought for a moment, "that I would rather it was while you weren't here, so we can do it right. Because there is no way we're sleeping together in this bed." She grins, and it's clear that she's joking about them hooking up was directly related to him proposing, and also was enough for sway her as to where he'd ask. ".... But... if I have any say in it, I want this to only be once, baby, and I want it to be how you want it. You know what I'll say, and I know you had plans." She needs him to decide because everything he does with every passing day helps cement him in her mind as Jax, and the man she had previously married worked on becoming a distant nightmare that this man would never be. "Is that okay?"

She took his hand in hers and kissed his fingers as her eyes searched his for some hint on what he wanted.

A slow grin spread across his face. Even though he'd been mostly sure Tara was going to say yes, this preemptive conversation made his heart light. They were already engaged, practically, aside from the official say of it. Knowing that it would be good, done properly, kept Jax from using the words now so he could save it for the perfect moment.

For now, he could just revel in how happy Tara was. It was the first time in months that she didn't look so damn burdened. Hell, Jax thought she seemed practically giddy and it was beautiful the way she teased and joked. Just as he became her reality, she became less the hunted woman that he'd seen in his apartment that night. This was the Tara he'd missed; vibrant and hopeful, even in the darkest days.

"Still got those steaks in the freezer, right?" Jax asked. "When I'm back on my feet, we'll do it proper. Celebrate with a good dinner, kiss our boys. Just...nice."

Tara smiled wider, and shifted closer and kissed him again, a gentle hand on his shoulder to steady herself. "Because they are the totally the most important thing with this, yes, your steaks are fine." She grinned, and shook her head as she leaned back. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said the words softly, her fingers tightening on his from where their fingers did tangle together.

"And now, I guess it's just a race between you and all the other handsome, daring men who I've sewn back together. Watch out, mister, you'e got some competition." She is, of course, kidding - but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't kid. They're not talking about anything bad right now, and she doesn't really think there's anything that could bring her down, right now.

"Hey, I got them special for that night. No reason to let them go to waste, right?" It strained his stomach to laugh, but he couldn't help himself. Mixed with the growing joy of the moment, Jax almost welcomed the pain if only because it was a reminder of being alive, giving him joy.

"Hey now!" Jax untangled their hands so he could point a finger at her sternly. "If you leave me for Newt, I don't know what I'll do!"

The bubbles of laughter that came from somewhere were bright, and made it hard for her to speak until she got it under control. "Then you better hurry your ass up and get better. I'm not the one holding this up," she said with a grin, and she shook her head. "I'm lonely! What's a woman to do? Besides Newt, I mean. He's not really my type, if I'm going to be super honest."

She thought - only for a second, she thought about bringing up the fact that she'd finally met Raleigh, but the innuendo there was weird enough that she let it go, knowing she'd tell him another time. "But if it's him or me being an unmarried spinster, well.... I'm just saying that I've got to keep my options open, unless there was a cunning hero who might have a Harley who's just waiting to sweep me off my feet."

"Hey now. Don't think Kate or I will stand for that!" Jax's laughter was a little more strained, but he looked at her with a wide grin, so caught up in Tara and the joy on her face. "Well you know me, babe," he said, reaching up to clasp her hand again.

"I'm all about the fairytale. Sweeping you off your feet and carrying you away on the Harley included."

She really should have expected it sooner. She should have expected him to say something that he'd already said to her, and it was the reminder - both a good and bad reminder, that he was the same man. He was the same man that'd only changed because of his circumstances.

She sobered just a little, still smiling. Her fingers twined tight with his, and she took his hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "Yeah, well. We're not going to talk about the things that Prince Charmings do for their ladies." She leaned forward, and kissed him then, her voice low. "I love you. And I've been swept since I was fifteen. It's never going to change, I will always love you."

She smiled, and really... there was nowhere she'd rather be than with him in that hospital room, letting all her worries pass her by, even if it was just for a little while.

He'd come to love those golden moments, probably because they were so fleeting. They were like treasures he had to fix into his memory while he tried to polish other moments until everything gleamed.

"Well I never said I was Prince Charming. I'm just Jax and I'm all yours." Tara didn't need an ideal, he was slowly learning, nor could he ever be one. He needed to be Jax, the best version of himself possible.

"But I'll try to keep sweeping you away."

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