Tara Knowles (
drownedindreams) wrote2014-06-29 01:25 am
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and then, it rolls on. (Dated Father's Day)
It didn't matter that the kitchen was still covered in blood. It was streaked with her blood, and Jax was waiting for Scott - he'd made the phone call because he hadn't known who else to try, but it didn't matter - the dog still needed walked, and the fact that Macha's paws and tail were spotted a dark, rusty red and Tara's boots had left footprints on the stairs, the hem of her jeans was darkened. There was the smallest streak on her cheek that she didn't know about, and another one the back of one of her hands.
It was hers.
It was hers, in her kitchen; the fork, too - $4.99 at Macy's, two years ago, on clearance was her only thought - that was hers, hers from home.
Home. That was an odd concept now, because she knew. It wasn't just blood and the fork and thicker things that had come from 'Home', to her home, here. It was the file. It was the file with photographs and a coroner's report and police reports, it was the thing that said she died the day after she'd come here. Home - here - wasn't home -- and the home she remembered in California... that wasn't either. Home was where she was buried, where she was nothing but a memory and a crushing regret for some and her absence a triumph for others.
Her eyes were dead, red-rimmed and swollen from the tears she'd shed when she'd thrown up in the bathroom, when she'd stared at Jax and threw the tumbler against the wall where it'd shattered. Still, Macha needed to walk, and Tara wasn't thinking about where she was or where she'd been, or that they both had blood on them - she just let the dog lead the way.
It was hers.
It was hers, in her kitchen; the fork, too - $4.99 at Macy's, two years ago, on clearance was her only thought - that was hers, hers from home.
Home. That was an odd concept now, because she knew. It wasn't just blood and the fork and thicker things that had come from 'Home', to her home, here. It was the file. It was the file with photographs and a coroner's report and police reports, it was the thing that said she died the day after she'd come here. Home - here - wasn't home -- and the home she remembered in California... that wasn't either. Home was where she was buried, where she was nothing but a memory and a crushing regret for some and her absence a triumph for others.
Her eyes were dead, red-rimmed and swollen from the tears she'd shed when she'd thrown up in the bathroom, when she'd stared at Jax and threw the tumbler against the wall where it'd shattered. Still, Macha needed to walk, and Tara wasn't thinking about where she was or where she'd been, or that they both had blood on them - she just let the dog lead the way.
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As queen of a warrior race and a skilled fighter herself, Frigga is not squeamish around blood, but there is stormy anger in her eyes when she sees Tara walking down the street smeared with it and obviously having suffered a shock.
"Tara?" The question is more to call for the young mother's attention, although if it gets more an answer of what happened, Frigga will not regret it, and Frigga's voice has a steady strength she hopes will help as she approaches.
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And she should go home, she should go home because Jax is there, but there's a goddess standing in front of her and it makes just as much sense as the rest of it. "Hey," she says in greeting because she doesn't know what else she should say. Finally, she comes up with, ".... the dog- she needed... she wanted to go out, and..." She actually looks back over her shoulder, seeming confused as to how she got here. Macha looks up at Frigga and then Tara, the puppy not knowing what to do as she whines low in her throat.
She sits, eventually, by Tara's feet, her eyes soulful as she looks between the two women.
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In the meantime, she wraps them in a veil of magic, so none will pay them any attention. Her earlier time with Tara has shown a streak of pride and independence that doesn't need the blows of being seen like this by strangers.
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"I should go home." But she doesn't move, and Macha lays her head on Tara's knee, still looking between her and Frigga like she'll somehow fix this.
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"Soon. When you are ready." She will be no good to her children in this state, and is, at best, likely to frighten them. "First, tell me what has happened. Are your sons well? Jax?"
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She starts to cry, burying her face in her hand.
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For a time, she simply lets Tara cry. Tears can be healing of themselves, and holding them in helps no one. After a time, she speaks again, keeping her tone simple and calming, as though telling a story. In a way Frigga is. She is the final chapter to her own story, or what should have been the final chapter. "In the hours before I arrived here, my home was attacked by an army of creatures known as the Dark Elves. They sought a great power, which had somehow come to be inside a mortal woman, the beloved of my son. I took it upon myself to protect the woman, as my husband and son, and the other warriors met the army in battle.
"I succeeded, but at great price. I felt the killing blow that cut me down. Even my kind could not have survived such an injury. Yet I woke on the train coming into Darrow, whole again, except for the blood staining my gowns around the rip the blade cut in the fabric on its way into me. Blood can be cleaned, Tara. Here in Darrow, you and I still live. Your sons have not lost their mother."
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She takes a deep breath. "The world doesn't stop, outside of here. I'll go back, and I'll die, and-" Her chin wobbles. "He needs me. They- They won't have a mother. Thomas- My baby-"
Her voice cracks, and she's shaking badly as she covers her mouth with her hand. "My baby won't remember me." Abel was her son, of course he was, but he'd never been her baby, and Thomas - Thomas wasn't even two years old, when she would have died.
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I knew that I was going to die...
She would like to tell Tara her sons will remember her, will carry a part of her with them as they grow, and of her sacrifice too. She would like to say there are forces in the universe that watch over the young who have suffered such loss. But false hope is no hope at all, and Frigga is not cruel.
"So you grieve for the loss your boys must bear in that other world. But you cannot lose yourself in that grief and the guilt you are trying to shoulder. Cry, scream, rail, collapse... do what you need to do in the quiet moments, so you can be strong for Jax and your sons here, lest you deprive them of your presence as well. And when it gets to be too much, call on me. I will give what aid is within my power."
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"They're- they're with friends, right now. Thank god, thank god they weren't home," she runs a hand over her face, knowing- knowing that she had to pull herself together. That she had to continue. There was no other option.
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What she says next is weightier, solid as the foundations of Asgard. "Yet I give you my promise, Tara, I will protect your sons as I would have my own when they were young." She does not know what it is about this family, but they are under her protection, and will remain so as long as she and they are in Darrow.