drownedindreams | May 25, 2014

May 25, 2014

It was surprising just how exhausting it was to look at houses. They'd gone to a couple of open houses before he'd gotten stabbed, but that'd come to an abrupt halt when their lives got turned upside down. Now.... now, it was Memorial Day Weekend, and their realtor somehow talked them into seeing six houses. That was how they were spending the day off when the boys were at the sitter, and even as they'd followed him through house after house, shooting glances at each other that said maybe or no way in hell, they made notes and tried to just...

Get it over with, while still paying attention. It was an important decision, just... Well.

When the realtor was downstairs in the third house while Jax and Tara walked around the upstairs, she remarked lowly, "I think what we really need is a new realtor after today." She grinned, and opened yet another closet, making a face. "Smells weird."

The fourth and Fifth were better, and when they got to the sixth...

It was beautiful, but honestly - Tara looked back at the realtor. "We're just going to need time to think about it." He pressed but Jax slung an arm over her shoulder, raising his eyebrows in a clear you heard her.

It wasn't until they were back on the sidewalk outside, the realtor gone that Tara turned around to look at the house as she leaned against him. "What do you think?" She threaded her fingers with his, turning to press a kiss to the back of his hand.

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"It's a nice house," Jax said in a measured tone as he kissed her temple. The last one had been closest to what they liked but even that one had made him feel uncertain. Walking around the (literal) white picket fence and through the house, it had felt like a model, something he couldn't touch much less imagine himself making a home in.

"I don't know if it's our house."

"We need a new realtor," she said with a murmured laugh as she tipped her head back to look up at him.

"This... it's nice, but-" She paused. "Could you see us with the kids here? God, I feel like if you brought in a keg, you'd be arrested for not being fancy enough." She had her hand wrapped around his waist under his kutte.

"We're not these people, I don't think. Maybe... he saw doctor and thought I was like... sports cars and... whatever?"

She looks back at the house - it's so nice, and Tara never thought she'd say a house was too nice - but it's so not them that it makes her frown.

Jax shook his head to all the questions, bringing up his hand and circling his thumb against Tara's shoulder. "Need a place where I'd feel all right if the boys got thumb prints on the walls," he said. Maybe it would have suited Chicago-Tara, the woman who'd separated and set out, but now it didn't sit right. It was a home for refinement and good behavior, not laughter and a barbecue.

"If I can't picture Bobby in the backyard singing Suspicious Minds, it just won't work."

Tara laughed, bright and happy. "Hell, I couldn't even see you working on your bike in the garage, and that's even before Bobby singing." She misses those days, and she knows that it's not like they'll have Bobby back in their lives, but both of them know what they're looking for.

... Well... mostly.

"One of the things I noticed," she said after she paused, and and she shifted to tug him with her, for both of them to walk down the street, "Was that all of those places had three bedrooms."

She paused, and then bit her lower lip for a moment. "What'd you think of getting a place with four? I mean.... the kids would probably all want their own rooms, right?" She ventured the question like it wasn't a big deal, like she wasn't bringing up the fact that he'd tried to talk about before, and had gone over like a lead balloon.

Jax drew in a breath, hopeful but uncertain and letting the question hang in the air for a second in case Tara had something to add. The implications were plain as day and he grinned slowly, pulling her a little closer.

"So, you saying Macha should have her own room or..."

He wanted another kid with her so badly, wanted to see their kids grow up and know that they would do it right this time. Last time they'd brought it up, Tara had been shouldering burdens that Jax could never have guessed at. Today though, she seemed a lot lighter.

Tara turned so she was facing him, her head tipped up so she could see his face. Her hands came up to rest on his chest, and she smiled slowly. "I'm saying that if all of our kids are going to have their own room, we should a place with four bedrooms."

She smiled, and her hands slipped down the leather of his kutte to the bottom hem before she tugged him close so she could kiss him once, then murmured against his lips. "After we move, we could start trying? If you still... want to do that. Just see what happens?" She pulled back enough so her eyes could search his, a smile playing on her lips. She hoped... she hoped that he was happy - of course they'd have to talk about it, they'd have to actually really talk, but this... this was step one.

The cautious hope sparked into a real flame at Tara's words and his face split into a huge grin. "There is nothing I want more than to have another beautiful baby with you," he said, serious and certain even as he beamed at the thought.

"I swear to you, we do it right this time. No prison, no misbehavin'."

Tara laughed. "See, and now that you've said that, we're going to have the most homely baby-" She was smiling, and her hand found his as she tugged him close. "We do it right," she said with a murmur as she leaned up for another kiss.

"I don't even know what that's like," she admitted quietly, her eyes searching his. "You were there, some. With Thomas - I saw you every weekend." She's not trying to downplay how hard it was, exactly, but... she's trying to make it less pressure. Make it easier, for both of them, a little.

"We'll have to learn together." Seeing him so happy about it - before he'd been - with Thomas, they'd both been stressed, and the last time...

His promise, that he'd never miss it? He'd forgotten it, it seemed like. He was at a brothel in Stockton, was out with the club - and it'd made the lie easier, both practically but also emotionally.

But now, the joy.... telling him was the right choice. This life was the right choice.

"Who cares? It'd be our baby," Jax said, leaning forward into the kiss again. "And we'd love and spoil the shit out of it."

He wished he could have seen Thomas as an infant, laid his hands over Tara's belly as he kicked. Here, Jax had missed it because of a cruel split in time but back home he would've been in prison the whole time. He had missed Thomas' first year but he wasn't gonna do it again. Not a single moment with his boys now nor with any children to come.

"We'll do right by our family. God, that's all I ever wanted."

Tara laughed, and she pulled back enough to look at his face and the sheer happiness there - and it took her breath away. This was how it always should have been. "We'll do it right, this time." She took his hand, and lifted it to her lips, pressing a kiss to his rough fingers, unable to stop the smile on her own face because she's not seen him this happy...

It'd been so long. It had been years. "I love you, Jax." She smiled, and tugged him with her, walking backwards towards his bike - intending to go somewhere so that they could take advantage of babysitters because it wasn't often she had a day off and they also had someone watching the boys. "You know," her brows rose as she tugged him closer to her. "I have never felt so..." Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, she pulled him to her, unable to just give them space because of the smile on his face.

Jax smiled, turning his hand over under her kiss so that he could stroke his thumb across her lips, jaw, and cheek. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this incandescently happier. It was even harder to remember that last time that Tara had really, truly shared in the moment too. He would never forget this day, he pledged. He would remember it and use it as fuel to remind himself what the real goals were.

"Hey Tara...how're you feeling about presents right now?" he asked, smoothing a hand over his pocket.

Tara's brows shot up in surprise, and she pulled in a breath. After the night in the hospital, it'd just never come up again - if that's even what he was talking about, and she hesitated for just a second as she found the right words. "You know I'm pretty much always on board as long as you haven't just been stabbed." She exhaled in a huffed sort of laugh that was clearly her trying not to assume. She's always been as transparent as a window; if one of them ever was the one who could hide their feelings and keep things under wraps, it was him.

Her eyes searched his face, because she didn't realise that he actually had it with him - she just thought they were discussing it again now that she'd actually come clean and he wasn't heavily dosed with morphine. "I know that we're sort of... finding our stable point, but... but I think it's a good thing," she said with a nod, telling him that yeah - she'd still say yes, and it hadn't changed since she'd started being honest with him.

Jax made a quick show of glancing from side to side and then down his front, as if to check for assailants or new stab wounds. As he did so, he fished the little velvet box from his pocket. It was slightly worn at the corners because he'd been carrying it with him for days now, waiting for the moment to be right.

"So, when I get down on one knee and open this box..." Jax said, dropping down as he laid out the scenario. "And say something like..." He pretended to think about it, "Will you marry me?"

She rolled her eyes when he examined himself, but it stopped abruptly as he just shifted and her eyes widened comically. "I didn't know you meant now," just sort of fell out of her mouth, and then she exhaled in a rush, like she was letting go of still more troubles.

"So when you get down on one knee and open the box," she said as she moved closer to him, "And say something like Will you marry me... I'll say something like, there is nothing I want more to spend my life with you, Jackson. I love you." She bent to kiss him, her hand cupping his cheek, before she spoke lowly. "Yes. Yes, if you're sure." Her eyes searched his and there was hope there - fledgling, the spark of it that'd appeared the first time when he'd forgiven her, and it was starting to fan into an actual flame, even if it was still young and new.

As Tara dictated what was happening, Jax did just that. He opened the box in front of her and let her fill in the blanks, grinning wider and wider. Tara's optimism was so beautiful, like a flower that'd beaten the odds and blossomed in a harsh dessert.

"I am very sure," he said, nodding. He pulled Tara into the kiss, nearly toppling backwards and not caring. He paused for only a moment so that he could take her left hand and slide the vintage ring over her finger.

Tara laughed and barely caught herself on his shoulder as he nearly stumbled backwards, and she smiled against his lips. He'd caught her hand and slipped the ring onto her finger, and she pulled back steady herself before she actually looked at it. She sucked in a breath, her eyes widening. She liked it - she'd liked the other one that she'd stopped wearing, too, but this one...

"It's perfect," she said with barely a breath, and she honestly meant it. She'd stopped wearing a lot of things when he'd been in the hospital - the bandage on her hand (except when doing rounds, so she wouldn't illicit questions from patients), her wedding and engagement rings. They were relics from the past, and this.... this was new. And it was right. "It's beautiful, Jax." She leaned up for another kiss, this one less giddy and more heartfelt.

Her forehead pressed against his as she closed her eyes for a moment, then she exhaled slowly. "I never thought this would even be possible," she murmured. "Who ever gets this chance?" She finally opened her eyes, and they searched his. "I have loved you since I was fifteen years old, and I am so incredibly lucky that you are the man you've become. You know that, right?"

Edited 2014-05-26 04:02 (UTC)

Jax laughed, turning a near stumble into a chance to lift her up and spin her in a half circle. It was hard not to keep grinning like a madman. This was one of many steps to get Tara to believe that things were better. This was a new start for them. Her enthusiasm made him feel like he was sixteen all over again, ready to run and make some mischief.

"I've loved you just as long," he told her. "And it's not luck. You made me better. Made me want to be better and told me how."

Tara pulled him to her, her hands finding the back of his neck as she leaned up to kiss him properly. "This is all I've wanted. We're out, Jax, and we can make our own way." She breathed the words, and smiled up at him. "We've got a couple of hours til I have to get back... we could take the bike, and-"

She grinned up at him as she kissed him again. She was giddy with happiness, with the adrenaline. "We'll find the right house another day - you and me, that's what's important now." She didn't want to let go of him, didn't want to stop touching him - and that's when she paused, and snagged his hand, twining their fingers. "You mind if we have a real sort of wedding? Like... not a church thing, but.... I figure we could do it right? Last time.... I can't even explain it, but we got married in a brothel and my wedding ring was your mother's." She rolls her eyes as she says it, because she knows just how ridiculous it sounds - and acting like it was ridiculous took away the sting, for her.

Jax raised his eyebrows, trying to figure out how the fuck any of that must have come about. The scary thing was it didn't even sound that out of character for either of them, just utterly bizarre anyway. That definitely wasn't going to happen here. They were never going to be normal, but they were going to take the slices they wanted out of that cake, including a proper wedding.

"We can do it in the backyard of our new house, friends and family all around," he said, smiling. "Or...whatever you want." Seeing his family happy, that was what he wanted.

"Let's go chase the horizon for a while, huh?"

She smiled widely when he said they'd do it in the backyard - or, as he put it, whatever she wanted. "That sounds good. In the backyard, outside, and it's a party, it's good." She nodded, because it sounded right. "Soonish. Have to make an honest woman out of me, if we're going to be growing our family. Sound good to you?"

Just like what he said they should do next - she tugged him towards his bike, walking backwards as he followed her.. "That... that sounds perfect." It really was a new beginning, and it seemed like the right way to start it.

"It is perfect," Jax said, easing her over him and against the bike for a languid kiss, like they had all the time in the world. They didn't have to do anything in a rush now, no running from authorities or from the other clubs. They could just take their sweet time, decide the pace they would take.

"I don't mind paying the sitter a little extra, do you?"

She smiles against his lips, and she tips her head back a little further, shaking her head. "We should call... so that they don't worry." They should call, but she leans up again to kiss him yet again - neither of them can really keep their hands off one another, they haven't been able to since they were sixteen and they weren't about to start now -- especially not now, considering the ring on her finger.

"Should," Jax repeated, his tone making it clear that all he could think was 'the hell with should.'

"There's more important things going on."

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May 25, 2014

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