drownedindreams: ([doc] sick)
Tara Knowles ([personal profile] drownedindreams) wrote2014-04-20 07:44 pm

i'm a dead man walkin' here

Tara had to brush her teeth. That was the thought that drove her to the staff locker rooms, and it was while she was staring at herself in the mirror that she realised something.

She'd thrown up two days ago. Two days ago, when she'd finished sewing back together the Locos Lobos kid who'd been shot. She'd thrown up today.

Jax was still in surgery. Thankfully, a surgeon had been able to step in, but Tara had a hair-thin line on her own mental state. She'd stopped crying, but right now, right as she finished brushing her teeth, she spat in the sink and dropped the toothbrush with a clatter of plastic on porcelain. Shaking hands gripped the cold lip of the sink as she tried to breathe and fight the panic and (again) welling nausea. "No, no, no, please, God, this can't be happening." She murmured it to herself, not even realising that at some point, she'd lost the privacy she'd not even realised she'd needed.
toanend: (an ache I still remember)

[personal profile] toanend 2014-06-01 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
The reminder is a potent one, badly needed. Katie knows things are better now, that she's happier than she's been in a long, long time. When she looks back, though, it's with regret, trepidation, guilt, shame. It's hard to see what she lived through and not think she was at least partially responsible for the way David treated her. It's hard to think about how he hurt her and know she still loves him a little, that she always will, that it was love that kept her with him all those years. She never really thinks of her life here as one of strength, of what she did as surviving. She just knows she wasn't going to let him own her anymore. With what Tara says, though, she feels it for a moment, and it's like falling, weightless and stunned, but knowing the landing will be soft.

"I wish it weren't," she says. "I'm so sorry this is happening. I — so what actually happened? You said he got in trouble again, like back home. Was this — did someone attack him?"