Tara Knowles (
drownedindreams) wrote2014-04-20 07:44 pm
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i'm a dead man walkin' here
Tara had to brush her teeth. That was the thought that drove her to the staff locker rooms, and it was while she was staring at herself in the mirror that she realised something.
She'd thrown up two days ago. Two days ago, when she'd finished sewing back together the Locos Lobos kid who'd been shot. She'd thrown up today.
Jax was still in surgery. Thankfully, a surgeon had been able to step in, but Tara had a hair-thin line on her own mental state. She'd stopped crying, but right now, right as she finished brushing her teeth, she spat in the sink and dropped the toothbrush with a clatter of plastic on porcelain. Shaking hands gripped the cold lip of the sink as she tried to breathe and fight the panic and (again) welling nausea. "No, no, no, please, God, this can't be happening." She murmured it to herself, not even realising that at some point, she'd lost the privacy she'd not even realised she'd needed.
She'd thrown up two days ago. Two days ago, when she'd finished sewing back together the Locos Lobos kid who'd been shot. She'd thrown up today.
Jax was still in surgery. Thankfully, a surgeon had been able to step in, but Tara had a hair-thin line on her own mental state. She'd stopped crying, but right now, right as she finished brushing her teeth, she spat in the sink and dropped the toothbrush with a clatter of plastic on porcelain. Shaking hands gripped the cold lip of the sink as she tried to breathe and fight the panic and (again) welling nausea. "No, no, no, please, God, this can't be happening." She murmured it to herself, not even realising that at some point, she'd lost the privacy she'd not even realised she'd needed.
no subject
She's still holding Katie's hands, and she squeezes them a second time. She needs to show her, somehow, just how grateful she is. How much it means.
That's why when Katie says it helps her too, Tara nods - agreeing, obviously, because yeah. Yeah, she gets that as well. "It makes you stronger. I know it doesn't seem like that sometimes, but... make sure you remember it. I know- God, I know I have problems with that." She feels like she's failing on actually trying to communicate and instead there's this waterfall of words, but she forces herself to pull in a breath, then breathe out slowly as she finally lets herself let go of Katie's hands.
"God, I can't even believe this is happening."
no subject
"I wish it weren't," she says. "I'm so sorry this is happening. I — so what actually happened? You said he got in trouble again, like back home. Was this — did someone attack him?"