and then, it rolls on. (Dated Father's Day)

[drownedindreams]

It didn't matter that the kitchen was still covered in blood. It was streaked with her blood, and Jax was waiting for Scott - he'd made the phone call because he hadn't known who else to try, but it didn't matter - the dog still needed walked, and the fact that Macha's paws and tail were spotted a dark, rusty red and Tara's boots had left footprints on the stairs, the hem of her jeans was darkened. There was the smallest streak on her cheek that she didn't know about, and another one the back of one of her hands.

It was hers.

It was hers, in her kitchen; the fork, too - $4.99 at Macy's, two years ago, on clearance was her only thought - that was hers, hers from home.

Home. That was an odd concept now, because she knew. It wasn't just blood and the fork and thicker things that had come from 'Home', to her home, here. It was the file. It was the file with photographs and a coroner's report and police reports, it was the thing that said she died the day after she'd come here. Home - here - wasn't home -- and the home she remembered in California... that wasn't either. Home was where she was buried, where she was nothing but a memory and a crushing regret for some and her absence a triumph for others.

Her eyes were dead, red-rimmed and swollen from the tears she'd shed when she'd thrown up in the bathroom, when she'd stared at Jax and threw the tumbler against the wall where it'd shattered. Still, Macha needed to walk, and Tara wasn't thinking about where she was or where she'd been, or that they both had blood on them - she just let the dog lead the way.

Comments

[drownedindreams]

She half listens, because she's wrapped in so much pain and hurt that it's hard, right now. It's so difficult and painful, and Tara shakes her head when Frigga tries to tell her it's not over because she's here. "You don't understand," she says thickly. "You don't- It's not here. I'm not worried for me, I knew. I knew that I was going to die, but my sons- It's my sons, and Jax."

She takes a deep breath. "The world doesn't stop, outside of here. I'll go back, and I'll die, and-" Her chin wobbles. "He needs me. They- They won't have a mother. Thomas- My baby-"

Her voice cracks, and she's shaking badly as she covers her mouth with her hand. "My baby won't remember me." Abel was her son, of course he was, but he'd never been her baby, and Thomas - Thomas wasn't even two years old, when she would have died.

[mother_of_asgard]

The thought of a child separated from a mother who loves him cuts at Frigga in a way few things would, and yet Tara needs her strength as much as her understanding. There's something else Tara says that stands out, and Frigga rolls the words around her thoughts instead of answering right away.

I knew that I was going to die...

She would like to tell Tara her sons will remember her, will carry a part of her with them as they grow, and of her sacrifice too. She would like to say there are forces in the universe that watch over the young who have suffered such loss. But false hope is no hope at all, and Frigga is not cruel.

"So you grieve for the loss your boys must bear in that other world. But you cannot lose yourself in that grief and the guilt you are trying to shoulder. Cry, scream, rail, collapse... do what you need to do in the quiet moments, so you can be strong for Jax and your sons here, lest you deprive them of your presence as well. And when it gets to be too much, call on me. I will give what aid is within my power."

[drownedindreams]

"What can you do?" Tara just sounds lost - not like she's challenging her, but that she doesn't understand that there's anything to be done but this, but this.... but keeping going, but knowing that somewhere else in this world, somewhere else, back home... she's dead, and her sons and Jax - they will be forever where she'd hoped for better, for them. Her sons will have a life like Jax's. The cycle will keep going, but they won't even have a mother - they'd have Gemma.

"They're- they're with friends, right now. Thank god, thank god they weren't home," she runs a hand over her face, knowing- knowing that she had to pull herself together. That she had to continue. There was no other option.

[mother_of_asgard]

"Perhaps nothing more than I am doing now," Frigga admits, although she is uncertain Tara understands how much she needs this time where she need not be the strong one, so when it passes she has the strength she needs for her family. "Sheltering and protecting you when you are vulnerable and everything is too much."

What she says next is weightier, solid as the foundations of Asgard. "Yet I give you my promise, Tara, I will protect your sons as I would have my own when they were young." She does not know what it is about this family, but they are under her protection, and will remain so as long as she and they are in Darrow.